Masks

We all wear masks. Most people have theirs on for people the want to impress or people they hate but can't show it. Mine is all the time. It is partly for others, who I am and what I think isn't generally a good thing for others to see. But a lot of it is for me. It's odd to know you are hiding from yourself and being as you know what's inside you better than any, it is really hard to do.

For me it is simply a distraction to allow me to at least pretend to get on with things. Like a wall between me and my thoughts. The ones that get through are the ones I hide from others but when I am alone they are the ones that tear me apart.

The mask I know isn't a great thing, the worst thing is when you do realize you have to talk or ask for help. My mask is so set that I just look like I am lying. I can admit to seeing, hearing and thinking the most horrific things and look like I am giving someone directions or something. But that's just the only way I am able to do it. When I am overwhelmed by something the last thing I will be able to do is articulate it and when I fall apart I always make sure there is no one around to see.